Dear Keith,
Writing this letter is difficult and I should have done it weeks, if not months ago, but I kept putting it off. Please excuse me for writing this instead of telling you on the telephone or in person. Once you finish it, I think that you'll understand why I chose to do it this way. Right now you're probably very concerned about what prompted me to write something like this. I want to assure you that I am in good health and that I don’t have a terminal illness or anything like that.
There has been a distance between us that I imposed upon our relationship and it’s not because of anything you have done. I realize now, It's better for both of us if I explain what is happening in my life. I intended to explain things sooner, but my health problems last year drained all my energy just to survive. I've kept a secret in my life from you, a secret that I've kept from everyone as far back as I can remember. Keeping this secret has always been a factor when forming the basis of any relationship in my life, including when I met you (again) years ago.
I will get to the point. I've known most of my life that I was living a lie. At 4 years old I knew that I was different from other kids. I figured out why I was different by the time I was 8 years old. I have always felt that I was a girl and not a boy and I've spent decades hiding that truth from everyone. The deceit is so painful at times that I can barely function. I have tried to live a 'normal' life, but I have felt only angst and despair in my soul. Now at 36 I have come to accept that the person I am inside is a woman and not a man. I am preparing myself for transitioning from living as a man to living as a woman. In the right now, gradually I will change my presentation of my gender. I will still be the same person inside and I will still have the same personality. I will still have the same dry sense of humor and quick wit that I inherited from you. I will be honest about the changes you can expect to see. You will eventually, slowly, see changes in my voice, hair, walk, talk, and how I dress. I will give you all the time you need to get used to the new me. I didn't get used to the idea overnight myself. I’m not changing my name, but the pronouns associated with my name will change. As for the future, I will eventually have a sex change operation in a few years. There are defined medical and psychological standards of care that have been established by an association of therapists, surgeons, and other medical practitioners. The Standard of Care assures that only people who are truly transsexual have this surgery. The Standards are as follows: I must be in therapy for at least two years, have recommendations for surgery from two therapists, one of whom must hold a doctorate. Have been taking female hormones for at least a year, and live a real-life-test for at least one year. RLT involves living full time (24 hours a day, seven days a week) as a woman.
I know this letter puts you on an emotional roller coaster ride. After reading this, you will probably be in shock and denial and that’s okay. I can't imagine what you must be thinking about this confession. Please understand it has nothing to do with you, our mutual history, or lack of one for that matter. Even if you had been in my life as I grew up, it wouldn't have changed where we are right now; this letter would have been written.
Well, now you know. I just wanted you to understand what was going on. As I am finishing this, I am feeling confused and I haven't a clue how you will react. We've never talked about anything too deep before and I feel a great deal of anxiety dropping this in your lap. I definitely want to discuss this with you, but I can wait for the initial shock to wear off first. There are some books and publications I can recommend to you if you want me to do so.
