Don't know

In my mind's eye, when I teeter between sleep and falling, I see gender definition as a need to be polished. Or maybe I see a lack of instinct to ignore my own nuance. Perhaps I see feelings of fundamental desire within myself. Those ideas of self remembered, the first time I teetered between sleep and falling.

Home Sweet Home

I slept most of the day away and it felt good to do so. My sleep schedule is consequently screwed up. That's ok, I prefer the night anyway. I do feel better than I have in a couple of months. Maybe that quick violent spell got rid of the gallstone too. I'm not too sure of that but I can always hope. At least the whole affair didn't take a turn for the worst in the critical way. I couldn't handle being hospitalized for weeks all over again. One night was way more than enough for this year. But I was a good little patient and I didn't fight my keepers too much. The only thing that I fought over was being given morphine. I really didn't think it was necessary, but they wanted to get my heart rate down quickly so I was forced to take it. Don't get me wrong, who doesn't love to be high! I just felt like it was an over reaction at first. I understood later when I was under the drugs full influence why it was a good thing. But it's all good and I'm home in one piece. That's all I ask.

Quick Scare

So I spent the last 24 hours in the hospital. I'm home now resting from my ordeal and I'm not going back to work until Monday.
I managed to acquire a violent flu strain on top of my pre-existing gallstone problem. The result was to cause all fluids to be expelled from my body within about 2 hours. Very disgusting and horribly visual. I went to the ER after my 10th vomiting incident. At this point I wasn't even keeping water down. When I got to the hospital my heart rate was 150. That was from the pain and dehydration. I was quickly put to a bed and had liquids, pain meds and nausea relief fed to me intravenously. Later, a cat-scan did show slight inflammation around the pancreatic duct. Not too much inflammation and it did subside by this morning. The doctor's guess was that the violent flu bug aggravated my situation. The good news is I feel 85% better today and the vomiting is gone. The bad news is I still have diarrhea. Yeah, I know just what you wanted to read before dinner. Sorry.
This flu has been tearing through the local area at an alarming rate. The doctor's have seen about a 50% increase in ER visits because of it. I did get a lil' scared when the doctor mentioned the inflammation of the pancreatic duct. It wasn't his area of training and he admitted to me that he was going to get more advice from an expert. But everything worked out ok and I do feel better today. My overnight hospital stay was mostly precautionary.

I'm glad to be home in my own bed.

The voice of reason

Tomorrow morning at 8:30 my first voice lesson. Yipee! Yipee! I am planning to excel at this education. I just finished ironing my favorite skirt that goes with my favorite top. In the past I have always had a lack of apparel style. Actually I have never cared about clothes whatsoever and have always been turned off by needless consumption. If I could wear the same thing every day I would be satisfied. I only have two requirements no stink and clean. Imagine my surprise as I realized I was spending brain power on my image...and liking it. *yikes* Such a subtle change that I didn't even see it coming until I was bushwhacked.

1st Anniversary

This is my 296th post. *whew* I have been journaling for a year today. I never kept a diary or a journal before so it's actually very cool that I have a written record of my thoughts for once. Looking over it I see way too much complaining. But I also see some character growth too. For those of you that have been slogging through my muck I thank you. I am going to continue writing and hopefully my topics of thought will become more varied. Of course, it would help if the same things would stop happening to me over and over and...

Smile, it's All Good

I complain too much. When actually life has been ok for me. I have been gifted with many talents in life and sometimes I under rate their importance. My blog is meant to reflect my thoughts in action on a quasi daily basis. But quite often it seems to reflect my fears of the future and my anxieties of the past. And really, I don't spend my daily life thinking or hand wringing about these obstacles of the past and future. I usually spend my time thinking about friends and being creative. Two of those gifts that I under rate too often. I appreciate people in their truest forms and love to view the inner light and how it plays against the shadows of the world. I love to create and the act of building a thoughtful outlet for my needs. I love to interpret the creativity of others and when I am privy to the motivations behind actions I am enraptured. To have someone else's ideas conveyed to me as the creator of the idea intended is an act of the godsend and I never forget that. When I can teach someone something no matter how small and it sticks with them I realize my breath is not wasted. When I learn from someone a private moment and that person feels good about telling me I feel the warmth of life. When I make someone laugh and smile I realize that my life has been fulfilled yet one more time.